When I read the released text messages between embattled Mayor of Detroit, Kwame ‘Big Pimpin’ Kilpatrick and his former Chief of Staff, supposed ‘Mrs. Kwame Kilpatrick, 2012’, I was aghast and horrified! Why? It is apparent that Christine Beatty fell for the oldest pimpin playa trap known to man.
The Bait and Switch. What is that? This is when a man, who is unavailable for a relationship, entices a woman to become involved with him on the premise that he: 1. Loves her forever. 2. Wants to share a life with her. 3. Desires to have sex with her.
Some men will tell a woman upfront that they simply want a no strings attached type of thang with a woman. That there is no possibility that they will divorce the wife. They don’t even want to. They like their world just the way it is…with a nice, occasional dessert on the side. If you are in the market for having an affair, this is the right man for you. For real. You know what to expect.
The scheming, cowardly man, is going to bait you into an affair, first. Wine and dine you. Make you feel like a Queen. Then when you are completely hooked, you leave your man or your husband because of having eaten the bait whole; he switches on you. How about you move into your own apartment. He doesn’t call or come over like he should.
Or he keeps you waiting for his call for three hours. All of a sudden, the adventure is over and done with and the high has been depleted. The fun of the chase has left the building simply because you have become ‘available.’ The Switch.
When are we women, when are we sistas gonna get it right? A real man, a real man true to form, a man worth his weight in salt, is not going to have an affair with you. He is not going to lead you on and on and when you make your move to cement the pillow-talk deal, switch up on you and vanish like a fart in the wind! He is not going to tell you that he will be your boyfriend until he wifes you…that is whenever he gets around to divorcing the wife that currently wears his wedding band.
A man that is honest and true is not going to sex you whilst you lay up in the bed with your man, your husband or whomever it may be that you are currently in a relationship with. It is a matter of respect. Now if you find yourself ‘caught up’ like Christine Beatty, and your paramour is saying all of the right things and the items listed above, what should you do?
Wait and see.
Perhaps he is sick and tired of the wife that he takes out on weekly date nights. Perhaps he is telling the truth when he says that you are ‘freaky’ and ‘he needs you.’ Let’s even go as far as saying that your lover wants to be your children’s ‘stepdad’ in the somewhat vague, very, very distant future. Don’t take his cheating, lying, conniving behinds word for it. Wait and see what happens. Let him prove his love to you. What do you have to lose? What choice do you really have?
Now, there are affairs that turn into full-blown marriages. But would you really want that, that sense of doubt and mistrust to creep up every time your husband works late or is around other women? Like another member of his mayoral staff? Or a mystery woman that enjoys strawberries and chocolate and champagne in high end hotel spas? Like in South Carolina. Or was it North Carolina?
If you are a woman that sees an affair for what it Really is meant to be, you would know that a relationship like this is what it is. A moment in time between two consenting adults for whatever the reason or pleasure. Not a prelude to David’s Bridal. A woman who is able to differentiate between the two, able to seal off complicated emotions, secure in her independence, and has no intentions or expectations of more than what is being offered; can successfully navigate the tricky waters of having an affair.
If the above doesn’t describe you, at all, then maybe you are fooling with the wrong ‘Mr. Right.In fact, you need to jump ship…from jump. An affair is not cut out for you. I am not in no way endorsing ‘affairs.’ But I do understand them. I have even found myself in a wicked game of ‘affair’ before. So, when I read Christine Beatty’s heartfelt, loving and sometimes, sad texts, my heart went out to her…for a minute. A quick minute. Any woman in the midst of a high-powered affair such as Christine Beatty was, should have been much, much smarter. She was smart and scheming enough to plot the un-necessary and costly firing of three police officers in order to protect her relationship.
Why didn’t she have the good sense to protect her heart?